The Role of Parents in Becoming 'Unnecessary'

When we say that parents should become "unnecessary," it doesn't mean they stop loving, supporting, or being present. It means preparing the child for life, allowing them to do things on their own — and jiu-jitsu offers perfect opportunities for this.

A Bond That Transforms: At the beginning of life, a child needs their parents for everything. Over time, the child still needs their parents, but now they need them to trust their small choices, allow them to try solving situations, give them space to experiment and even get frustrated.

In jiu-jitsu, this translates into small daily responsibilities: taking care of their own uniform, maintaining personal hygiene, tying their belt, and bringing necessary equipment.

Consequences of a Bond That Doesn't Transform: When parents don't encourage these responsibilities, children may grow up without autonomy, becoming adults who depend constantly on help for simple tasks, struggle to complete projects on their own, and easily get frustrated when facing challenges.

Love That Sets Free: Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott observed that "the function of good enough parents is to make themselves unnecessary."

Jiu-Jitsu as an Environment for Autonomy: On the mat, children practice physical skills but also life skills: autonomy, responsibility, resilience, and discipline.

Conclusion: When parents understand that their role is encouraging autonomy through small responsibilities, children learn they are capable of taking care of themselves, not just in jiu-jitsu but in life.